Mum Beverley in COVID-19 lock down

22nd April 2020 Blog

In this blog we hear from a single mother Beverley*, in ‘lock down’ with her 4 year old, trying not to go stir crazy, trying to keep her daughter off of the iPad and away from the TV for hours on end, realistic that teaching isn’t for the majority! Hoping that some work might come in to keep her mind active, whilst admiring a wall full of artwork and trying to stay committed to the online keep-fit momentum.

‘It’s been a struggle the last couple of years; juggling all kinds of emotions, and mental and reality challenges alongside parenthood, while ‘soldiering on’, ‘putting on a brave face’, ‘fronting’ to stop the questions, and all while trying to communicate with those you think will listen, without going in circles.

Paying someone to listen seemed like an option, anonymous pontifications, telling friends over and over til you think they understand, but they don’t.

Flying solo, really is just that ‘Me, Myself and I’, and it’s damn hard work, but it can also be a truly lonely and frightening place – one you struggle to share and express. You want it all to change, ‘they‘ say it’s in your hands, and you strive and strive to make that happen, and yet it doesn’t – not time, not headspace, not the conviction, nor the tools – whatever.

You try to camouflage, find stop gaps, short term fixes, distractions when you have the energy…. and then some random hurricane called C19 whistles into town, and just like that ‘all change’ changes, forever, beyond your control.

It’s a lot more scary, when the ideas you’ve been mentally toying with actioning are suddenly taken out of your hands, and procrastination and choice are taken away from you.

Suddenly everyone around you are dipping their toes into the isolation you’ve felt and the struggles you’ve faced too, but with such severe consequences at stake.

Some sobering thoughts – in the short weeks we’ve been given the forced headspace to think, think and think again… more isolation, but this time with distant company. All think, think, thinking.

Deep breaths everyone, all change…. here’s to onwards and upwards.

It’s a struggle in which no one will be untouched, directly or indirectly – changes for everyone!
So the once fraught decisions about mine and my child’s future are now replaced with uncharted territory, the ‘great leveler’ people say.  Suddenly decisions you make still shape your child’s future, but with no shadows of guidelines to hide in.

Kids are resilient, and stronger than we sometimes imagine, but there’s no guide as to the effect and so the response is truly on our shoulders.

Advice, who knows – draw on each other, lean on each other, keep things real and … breathe.  We will come out the other side, the instinct is to fight fight fight, so do just that.  Together.

Wrapping your head around safety in the here and now is followed by knowing things have changed irreversibly, and the new is something we’re all going to shape. I don’t deal well with change, but then I had a child – all change. all change and all change again!

I also don’t deal well with failure either…

Advice shared that made me smile:
– yes live for the moment, life’s too short.  Do things you always put off, or that make you happy – now.
Me  – like what when we’re holed up at home.
Friend – I eat more…
Me – haha hah ha a-ha ha lol.  Still laughing as I type.

Change your dreams!

*Not blogger’s real name

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