Taking the Early Permanence adoption route

Ava and Thom* knew adoption would, in some way, be in their future. So, after taking time to settle into their new home, they set about finding out about adoption. Ava shares their story.

“I’d grown up in Barnet and finding our next home together in the same area made sense. As well as decorating and shopping for our new home, Thom and I did our research on adoption. We thought about the local facilities for children, the play groups, the schools in our area and the type of support we’d receive as adoptive parents from our local borough.

Several months later, after much more research into adoption, we were eventually able to start the adoption process. Our social worker told us about Early Permanence (EP) or Foster to Adopt, as it was called back then. EP means Thom and I would be assessed as adoptive parents, but with specific training to become foster carers initially so we could care for a child at the earliest point in their life. If the court decides the child should be adopted, it means the child will experiences less moves, and they can continue to bond with the people already caring for them. If the court decides returning home to their birth parent or family member is the best option, then the child would have had an amazing start in life with their foster parent(s) and going home to family is in their best interest. We had extensive training to ensure we understood the role and what we needed to do.”

Taking the Early Permanence route

During the ‘fostering’ period, assessments of the birth parents are undertaken to identify if they can prioritise their needs or if a birth family member or friend can be assessed. It is the Court who decides if the child should be returned to a member of the birth family, or whether the child would be granted a legal order for adoption. Ava says,

“We thought long and hard about whether we could manage this emotionally and the uncertainty, but we knew we’d could love and care for a child whatever the outcome. We talked it over and were committed to Early Permanence. Our assessment training involved finding out more about why children come into care and the impact of adoption. The assessment encouraged us to talk about our own childhoods, the time before we met as a couple and since, and our life experiences. It was insightful and we found out things we’d not known about each other. It was a lot of information to take in and talk about. After some intense sessions, Thom and I would walk through our favourite park. Just sit on ‘our bench’ and talk through everything we’d heard and learnt that day; the training, the people we’d met who shared their experience …. just everything. It was our space to sort out things in our minds.

After being recommended as EP carers, we were approved to adopt. It felt strange. It was becoming a reality. Very soon there were discussions and meetings about one child who was due to be born. We’d read the paperwork and we felt a connection. Then one day I was at work, I received a call to say the baby girl been born. Thom met me at the Children’s Service’s office. We talked with the social worker, who said ‘We’ll let you know more in due course.’ Now we needed to let the decisions be made that put this little girl at the heart and centre – that’s what EP is about … taking time to make sure children get the best outcome, and as much as we wanted to be parents to this little girl, we wanted the right decisions to be made.

A week or so later we received the call. I was at work, I just packed up my desk and went straight to the hospital waving goodbye to my work colleagues with one hand and calling and messaging Thom with the other. Once we arrived at hospital and after speaking with the care team, I went to meet and hold this gorgeous tiny baby girl. On that day, at that very moment, I became her ‘Fummy’ … her foster mummy. She was just 11 days old.”

The role of an EP parent

Everything becomes a whirlwind of care for the little one. Meeting with social workers, preparing bottles, appointments with health visitors with forms to complete, buying nappies, sharing information, hearing court updates, and our friends and relatives calling with supportive words. It was full on. I didn’t mind any of it. I didn’t have time to worry about anything, except this little baby girl.

As a foster carer/EP parent, part of our role was to take her to see her birth mother every day. Being an EP carer means you provide the essential care and love, while still managing your emotions.”

Months later the Court made the decision that Ava and Thom could officially adopt the baby girl in their care. And over three years later, they applied to adopt again, through the same EP process.

“We thought, ‘we’ve got this, we’ve done it before’, but the process was different and rightfully even more focused on the children. We’d been matched with a little boy, and all our preparation was during the Covid lockdown. His situation was unusual in that he was living with a foster career as he was a little older. We’d have lots of meetings online using Zoom while we followed the isolation protocols. But that time spent digitally was so valuable for all of us, especially when our little boy came to live with us. We’d continue the online meetings with this foster carer, and he would listen to her voice, and could see her on screen. That helped reassure him that she was still around. Fast forward five years on, and his foster carer she is still one of our favourite people in our lives.

Our son is from a large birth family and has older siblings, and even though we’ve cared for him from a very early age, we meet up and are in contact with each of his siblings and their families. We recognise their strong and important bond. It’s different for our daughter as we didn’t have the opportunity to officially meet her birth mother in the very early days and birth mum hasn’t been able to engage through letter contact (Letterbox)*. But we hope one day she will, as we continue to write to her through the Adoption Support Letterbox scheme.

Our family talk about adoption openly, and know there will be amazing times to experience, and that there might be challenges ahead, but we’ll manage them as a family. For now, life is non-stop … this is living. Every day one of my two will say something that makes my heart explode. This is where I was meant to be.”

*Not their real names

**Letterbox is the exchange of letters through social workers between the child and their birth family.